Collard Greens, Quick or Proper

I have received my first request!  A dear friend bought a bunch of collard greens and sent me a Facebook message looking for a quick recipe.  Little did she know this would be a sore subject.  A quick internet search will show you that people are preparing quick collard greens.  Anyone who eats collard greens regularly knows these can be tough and bitter.

Shameful Quick Collard Greens (Sides)

• 4 oz thick-cut bacon per bunch of collard greens, cut into 1/4″ pieces
• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 tsp garlic, crushed
• 1-2 bunches collard greens, de-stemmed, rolled, and sliced in ribbons
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes or hot sauce of choice
• 1/4 cup apple cider vinegar
• Salt and pepper

1. Sauté bacon over medium heat in dutch oven or deep chef’s pan until crispy.  Remove bacon to paper towel.
2. Add onion to bacon fat and cook until translucent. Add garlic and cook two minutes.
3. Add greens, red pepper flakes, vinegar, and toss in the pan.  Cook for 4-5 minutes, softening.
4. Remove from heat.  Mix in reserved bacon.  Season with salt and pepper to taste.
5. There you go, quick collards.

Now, if you have time for proper preparation of collard greens, you need a day, not twenty minutes. But because I am lazy, I do it in the slow cooker so I do not have to babysit them.

Proper Collard Greens (Sides)

• 4 oz thick cut bacon, cut into 1/4″ pieces
• 1/2 onion, diced
• 1 tsp garlic, crushed
• 1-2 smoked ham hocks
• 1-2 bunches collard greens, de-stemmed, rolled, and sliced in ribbons
• 1 tsp crushed red pepper flakes or hot sauce of choice
• 4 cups chicken stock or water
• 1/2 cup apple cider vinegar
• Salt and pepper

1. Sauté bacon in a skillet over medium heat until crispy.  Remove bacon to slow cooker.
2. Add onion to bacon fat and cook until translucent. Add garlic and cook for two minutes.  Add to slow cooker.
3. Add greens, ham hocks, red pepper flakes, and stock.  Cook for 4-5 hours on low.
4. Remove ham hocks and remove meat from bones shredding.  Discard bones and return meat to the slow cooker.
5.  Add vinegar and season with salt and pepper.
6. Cook for 1 more hour.
7. Serve with a small amount of the pot likker.

I like this best with cornbread or hush puppies to soak up the broth known lovingly as pot likker.

Note to Vegetarians:  skip the meat using olive or coconut oil.  Add 1 tbsp liquid aminos. 

You can serve collard greens with fried chicken or catfish, pulled pork, grilled sausages, or anything you want if it is robust and soulful.  I tried to find a picture of collard greens in the pot but could not, though I know I have made them on more than one occasion.  However, I saw many images of kale, as it can be made quick without offense.  I will snap one next time!

But I’m telling you the same I tell Kings and Queens…
Don’t ever mess around with my greens!
— The Witch, “Witch’s Entrance,” Into the Woods